Teresa Giudice: How Bravo’s Real Housewives Destroyed a Family
One of my guilty pleasures has been watching Bravo’s The Real Housewives of New Jersey, known for its simple acronym — RHONJ. I’ve never been a huge fan of reality television, mostly due to my short attention span and undiagnosed ADHD. But RHONJ hit differently right from the start. I was immediately sucked into the family drama from day one, when their first episode aired on May 12, 2009.
Something about Bravo’s New Jersey cast felt very familiar. Maybe the cozy familiarity was due to my having been born and raised in Philadelphia, a two hour drive from the posh Franklin Lakes, New Jersey zip code, where most of the cast resided in impressive McMansions. Or maybe it boiled down to the cast, themselves, who were either first or second generation Italian, where I immediately recognized the loyalty oaths and familial codes — no matter how dysfunctional or hypocritical (hello….sprinkle cookies) — that coexisted between family members and individual friendships.
And don’t even get me started on all the delicious, homemade Italian food and desserts from season to season, namely by Caroline Manzo, Kathy Wakile, Teresa Giudice, and her dear parents. Who could forget the time when Teresa’s father cooked a whole octopus at six in the morning.
I grew up eating my grandmother’s homemade gnocchi, homemade gravy (tomato sauce) with sausage and spareribs, homemade manicotti, pizzelle, cannoli, and my Godmother’s melt-in-your-mouth cream puffs and Italian cookies.
Today, Italian food is one of my biggest emotional triggers. Nothing makes me tear up more than seeing beautiful, homemade meatballs marinating, for hours, in a large pot of Sunday gravy.
The Wreckage of Reality TV
In some respects, watching RHONJ is like watching a multi-car pile-up in slow motion on a congested highway where we don’t get to see the mass devastation until after the fatal fog has finally lifted. And in the wake of the reality TV wreckage are real life families and long term friendships that often result in marriages being destroyed, estrangement of first cousins, sisters who no longer speak; sister-in-laws in the throes of a validation war, and dear friendships gone by season three. This may be the reason why Teresa Giudice, the breakout star of the Bravo franchise, didn’t want her family, namely her brother and sister-in-law — Joe and Melissa Gorga — to join the cast in season three due to the inevitable fall out that would certainly ensue from their real life family drama spilling out on the context of the show and on various social media platforms.
In addition to The Gorga’s joining the cast in season three, there would also be first cousin Kathy Wakile, her Jeff Goldblum look-alike husband, Richie Wakile, and their two drama-free children, Victoria and Joseph, and Kathy’s entertaining sister, Rosie Pierri. There seemed to be a collective clandestine attempt to remove Teresa from her Jersey throne starting way back in season three and lasting until season five, when Caroline Manzo and family left the franchise to star on their own Bravo spin-off, Manzo’d with Children, which ran for three consecutive seasons, from 2014 -2016, before finally cancelled.
Teresa’s close friendships with Dina, Jacqueline, and Caroline would also take a severe hit, either becoming strained or completely ending altogether by season five due to their on-screen “scrutiny” over the gossip mags to which Teresa were on countless covers, or what I, the viewer, perceived as suspected jealousy over Teresa’s various branding opportunities and other financial windfalls like her six book deals — Skinny Italian (2010), Fabulicious! Teresa’s Italian Family Cookbook (2011), Fabulicious! Fast & Fit (2012), Fabulicious On the Grill (2013), Turning the Tables: From Housewife to Inmate and Back Again (2016), and Standing Strong (2017).
From season three to season five, we watched as Joe, Melissa, Kathy, Richie and Rosie seemingly moved in to infiltrate Teresa and Joe Giudice’s friend group, which resulted in the RHONJ cast changing their tune in regards to Teresa. In fact, she didn’t even show up for the season three premiere cast party held at the Manzo’s family-owned wedding venue, The Brownstone, due to the rising tension between herself and the entire RHONJ cast, which was evidenced in the reunions for season three, four, and five, respectively.
I think Teresa, at one time, was a real life friend to Jacqueline Laurita, and showed loyalty by not bringing up Nicholas’ autism diagnosis on the show as Jacqueline and Chris were still digesting the news themselves. However, Jacqueline was the first one to bring up “prison talk” to Teresa by way of holding up a grocery store tabloid, knowing full well the sensitive nature of the subject in addition to the traumatic ramifications for her family. It was an obvious low blow on Jacqueline’s part notwithstanding having all the hallmarks of a set-up with Caroline turning up just as their conversation began to heat up while Chris, Jacqueline’s husband and Caroline’s brother, stole a quick peek from the window as the three women, who were once close friends, continued to argue on the back deck.
After that fight, Teresa would show up in tears on the doorstep of Dina, who’d left the toxic show in the middle of season two for a life of namaste peace with her hairless cat named Grandma Wrinkles. The two, long time friends had rekindled their relationship that night while sisters, Dina and Caroline, began to grow more estranged by the day.
Season Two’s Reunion: Hell Hath No Fury
The turning of the New Jersey tide actually begun during season two’s reunion, when notorious cast villain, Danielle Staub, dropped some major tea after being asked by Teresa if she had even congratulated Jacqueline on the birth of her new son, Nicholas, to which Danielle responded with a mic drop question of her own: “Did you acknowledge your nephew?”….slight cinematic pause, letting her question sink in before continuing, “Did you?”
The camera immediately swivelled to host, Andy Cohen, who then looked over at Danielle knowing she had just hit Teresa’s mother-loaded trigger: Melissa Gorga. At that moment, Teresa lost it, getting right up in Danielle’s face, screaming: “Do Not Bring Up My Family!” but it sounded like she said, “Do Not Break Up My Family!” in addition to repeatedly calling Danielle a bunch of very explicit names — over and over again, which then had to be bleeped out in succession not including the time she threw poor Andy around the set like a ragdoll when he tried to get between Teresa and the cast villain.
Danielle’s simple question had promptly signaled to Teresa, Andy, and the viewers alike that she had, indeed, been in contact with Teresa’s archenemy — sister-in-law, Melissa Gorga. And Melissa was (and still is) Teresa’s mother-loaded trigger, not Danielle. So all that cursing and yelling was all by proxy to how she really felt about Melissa. And guess who took notice — Andy and Bravo casting.
Teresa did herself no favors. If she’d been more self-aware, then she would’ve gone gray rock to Danielle’s obvious baiting, having no reaction at all to the triggering question. This may have worked in Teresa’s favor when it came to casting season three. But I believe Melissa totally manipulated that baiting-move of Danielle’s during the reunion knowing full well that Teresa would explode thus giving her more of a reason to become a full-time cast member in season three, if only to be a major irritant to Teresa because Andy and Bravo’s casting knew Teresa made for good reality TV, especially when she was mad.
Here’s a link to Teresa’s epic freakout on Danielle Staub and Andy Cohen during season two’s reunion; timestamp 2:00:
Season Three: All in the Family
Joe and Melissa’s brutal betrayal, where Teresa was concerned, was joining the cast of The Real Housewives of New Jersey behind her back. The same goes for cousins Kathy and Richie Wakile, and Rosie, too. This was Teresa’s opportunity to shine while making good money before her family threatened a very good thing. I see Teresa’s point, and would’ve felt betrayed as well. But she was able to move on, and stand strong through three straight seasons of nothing but hate and contempt coming from her own family and previous close friends. That had to hurt — a lot.
But it was becoming more and more evident from season to season that Teresa was the star of the show as all the other cast members’ storylines involved Teresa in some way or form, even if it was just gossip and snide comments in their own confessionals. Who could forget Melissa’s little dig in season three when she said, “And we pay our bills” inferring to the world that Teresa and Joe Giudice did not. Melissa’s remark made me think of Matthew 10:36, a perfect tagline, by the way, for The Real Housewives of New Jersey:
And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household.
Seasons Six and Seven: Tre Rules
By the sixth season, Caroline Manzo, her sister-in-law — Jacqueline Laurita, and Teresa’s cousin — Kathy Wakile were out, replaced by new cast members Teresa Aprea, Amber Marchese, and Nicole Napolitano. It was clear, by now, that Teresa Giudice was the headliner, even with the threat of real jail time looming ahead. In fact, between season six and seven, the show would take a year hiatus from filming while Teresa went away to “camp.” And it was during this film hiatus when Bravo would create a spin-off show aptly called Teresa Checks In, featuring her beautiful family, which also included brother and sister-in-law — Joe and Melissa Gorga.
Bravo’s film hiatus in addition to the special spin-off had inadvertently sent a loud and clear message to current and new RHONJ castmates that they’d better play nice with Teresa. This was the precise moment when she’d stepped into her real power as we watched fellow foes, Melissa, and former BFF, Jacqueline, swing it out as they vied for Teresa’s wing-woman position. Strangely enough, sister-in-law and archnemesis, Melissa Gorga, would beat out Jacqueline Laurita. The latter would end up leaving the show, for good, after season seven.
Season seven had marked the beginning of Teresa’s reconfiguration from a sweet but mouthy heart of gold Jersey girl ino a cold and calculating Bravolebrity-sized diva with some street credibility. One of the first things she did out of “camp” was schedule a lunch meeting with cousins Kathy and Rosie at Rails, a restaurant that had become synonymous with the Jersey Housewives. Her brother, Joe, tagged along in a show of support for Teresa. In fact, Joe, by now, had joined Melissa and switched his alliance from their cousins to now his sister. He sat in silence as Teresa told Kathy and Rosie that it was time to “cut out the cancer,” which translated to it was time to cut off all contact while wishing them the best — the kiss of death.
By making this bold and purposeful move, Teresa was essentially forcing her cousins to be fired from the show as they had no more alliances a.k.a. reasons to film with Caroline and Jacqueline now gone in addition to Joe and Melissa switching alliances from the cousins over to Teresa. That was one, cold, badass move. It was sad to watch the cousins squirm but I think it was taking care of business for Teresa.
I think Kathy and Rosie’s final nail in the coffin, where Teresa was concerned, was when they orchestrated that dinner scene with their mother, Teresa’s aunt, where she pretty much admonished Teresa and then husband Joe’s alleged crimes on the show instead of staying silent when son-in-law, Richie Wakile, purposely lobbed a perfect softball pitch intro regarding her niece’s legal woes. In Italian culture, that would’ve been construed, by Teresa, as a real act of betrayal even though her aunt, at that moment, had spoken the absolute truth.
Truth, unfortunately, is often perceived as an enemy in dysfunctional and/or narcissistic families, and in its place is a heavy dose of cognitive dissonance, blind loyalty, and overt hypocrisy, which given enough time and isolation could marinate into full-blown Stockholm syndrome.
You can read my essay “There’s A Tiffany In Every Dysfunctional Family,” about the pattern of familial narcissism, scapegoating, and generational trauma — here: https://medium.com/p/94a470f6e59d
Teresa Giudice as Anthony Fremont in It’s A Good Life
But it was during season twelve, when the ladies headed to Nashville that I began to see Teresa in a new light. It was at dinner when Teresa did her best to muster a generalized apology to the table for her outrageous behavior from the evening before, when she forcefully pushed a plate and a drink in Margaret Josephs’ direction, causing a loud, chaotic scene. It was the lamest non-apology ever but what had interested me were everyone’s placating, apathetic echoes at the table, including Joe Gorga and Jennifer Aydin with their “That’s very nice” and “That’s Great Tre. That’s great” and fiance Luis “Louie” Ruelas chiming in, “Good job, babe. That was nice.”
Here’s a link to the crazy dinner scene, where Teresa attacked Margaret Josephs on a suspicion that she was “spreading rumors” to the Real Housewives bloggers to which Josephs vehemently denied. However, it would later come out in season 14 that it was, in fact, Teresa’s nemesis turned ally, Jackie Goldschneider, who was the one speaking to the bloggers about fiance Louie and his questionable past — go figure.
And when Margaret pointed out the obvious that Teresa’s apology was, in fact, a non-apology, Melissa turned her head and softly replied, “It’s a start,” but later confessed that she felt like a hostage after Teresa threatened her husband when she said, “I am your sister. You need to set that bitch straight (meaning Margaret) otherwise, you and me, are not going to have a relationship.”
Teresa’s inability to sincerely apologize when clearly in the wrong coupled with threats and ultimatums was indicative of someone having a toxic Cluster B personality disorder such as with a narcissist or a sociopath, which, coincidently, she was referred to by Caroline and Jacqueline in season four.
A little while later — in Joe Gorga’s confessional, he said, “A few years ago, there would be a zero chance of an “I’m sorry” coming out of her mouth.” Gorga continues: “This is growth from Teresa even if Margaret doesn’t see it. This is huge; this is big.”
All their placating of Teresa felt familiar. And then it hit me: Little Anthony from the unforgettable Twilight Zone episode, It’s A Good Life; you know, that creepy, bratty kid who has god-like powers, banishing people to that cornfield-cemetery in the sky. Here’s a bit of extracted plot from Wikipedia:
“Six-year-old Anthony Fremont has godlike mental powers, including mind-reading. He has isolated his town of Peaksville, Ohio, from the rest of the universe. The people must grow their own food, and supplies of common household items, such as bar soap, have been dwindling. He has blocked television signals and caused cars not to work. He creates grotesque creatures, such as three-headed gophers, which he then kills. Everybody is under his rule, even his parents.
The people live in fear of Anthony, constantly telling him how everything he does is “good”, since he banishes anyone thinking unhappy thoughts forever to a place that he calls “the cornfield.” Having never experienced any form of discipline, he does not understand that his actions are harmful. He is confused when his father tells him that the neighbors are reluctant to let their children play with him after he sent several of his playmates to the cornfield.”
Teresa may not have had the same mystical power as Anthony, who’d banish enemies to the eternal cornfield, but she did have enough power to banish enemies from Bravo; just ask her cousins Kathy Wakile, Rosie Pierri, and former BFF, Jacqueline Laurita.
The cast’s eerie placation of Teresa, with the exception of Margaret and Jackie, reminded me of how Little Anthony’s family eerily placates him from It’s A Good Life. The juxtaposition of Little Anthony and Teresa is nothing short of striking.
Here’s a link to Teresa’s non-apology apology, and the RHONJ cast’s eerie placation reminiscent of The Twilight Zone’s “It’s a Good Life” episode:
Here’s a link to everyone placating Little Anthony in The Twilight Zone ‘s “It’s a Good Life” episode. Do you see a similar pattern with Teresa?
Teresa As The Golden Child
I believe Teresa was the golden child in her family, having the total ear and absolute attention of her mother and father, Antonia and Giacinto Gorga. There’s a saying in Italian culture, one I’ve heard quoted many times by my own mother, who was first generation Italian: “A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life.” Of course, that was not true for every son and daughter, but in The Gorga’s case, I believe this was true in regards to their perception of Joe and Melissa, creating an unconscious Us/Them familial dynamic.
There was no question that Teresa loved her brother, but she had never fully accepted his wife, even though they’ve been happily married for over twenty years in addition to being the mother of her niece and two nephews. That fact, alone, should’ve garnered some sincere respect for her sister-in-law.
Something about Melissa had definitely threatened Teresa, and Andy Cohen and Bravo casting took notice of that, too. Maybe it was because of Melissa’s JLo good looks, or her brother’s complete adoration of his wife that got under Teresa’s skin.
Over the fourteen seasons of watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey, two things would stand out to me the most: One, Teresa’s daughters seemed to be treated more affectionately than Joe and Melissa’s children when it came to the grandparents, at least on the show, which I’m sure wasn’t reality. I’m aware of context and backstory, especially in regards to filming schedules. But I could glean, nonetheless, that the grandparents had a familiarity, a total ease, when interacting with Teresa’s girls, but rarely saw them interact at the same level of familiarity and ease with Joe and Melissa’s children, even though their gorgeous daughter, Antonia, was respectfully named after Teresa and Joe’s late mother.
And two, there seemed to be no interaction between Teresa and her niece and two nephews, which I always thought was very odd. On the contrary, there were so many scenes throughout the fourteen seasons of RHONJ where we watched Joe and Melissa show up for Teresa’s girls but never saw Teresa reciprocate, at least not on the show.
This subject was even brought up in an earlier season, the one where Joe and Teresa try therapy to repair their only sibling relationship. And it was in one of Teresa’s own therapy sessions where she mentioned that Joe used to get mad at her because she had zero time for his children due to being so busy with her own four daughters, which could be very true. But, my word, you’d think there would be some more footage over fourteen seasons of Teresa interacting with Joe and Melissa’s kids. The only scenes I could remember were when Teresa handed out their Christmas presents in season three, and when she was trying to get little Joey’s attention at his First Holy Communion party as he ran around the restaurant on a sugar high.
The Future for Bravo Families
I wonder about the future for the families that are showcased on Bravo’s Real Housewives franchise that now includes New York City, D.C., Potomac, Miami, Salt Lake City, Atlanta, Dallas, Orange County, Beverly Hills, Auckland, Vancouver, Melbourne, Dubai, and, of course, good ‘ol New Jersey.
I wonder what it would take for Teresa to reconcile with her one and only sibling along with his wife and three children. Would it take a serious illness or injury, heaven forbid a death — a divorce? I couldn’t help but see the generational trauma pattern of estrangement that first began with Teresa and Joe’s father, Giacinto Gorga, and his long lost sister, the mother of Kathy Wakile and Rosie Pierri. When their mother was a small child, her parents — The Gorga and The Pierri’s grandparents — would give her away to live with a relative of theirs, separating Kathy and Rosie’s mom from her brother — Teresa and Joe’s father.
Their mother was raised away from Joe and Teresa’s father, who’d grown up with their natural parents and additional siblings, which was beyond cruel and heartbreaking. But I was impressed by Kathy and Rosie’s mother’s kind and forgiving nature along with her resilience to go on and create a loving, grounded family to call her own.
Now the Gorga estrangement pattern continues on with the second generation, Teresa and Joe, and their families. Sadly, it’s the children — the first cousins, who lose out the most.
And lastly, I wonder how much of this familial drama was encouraged by Bravo producers to maximize ratings, destroying vulnerable families and lasting friendships in the process.
Going on a franchise like Real Housewives definitely has its financial and celebrity-status perks in regards to social media exposure and money-making opportunities, but at what cost?
